Danny Boy

After reading Doug’s “Best of March” post, and having countless friends from college, high school and law school ask me if I wanted to fill out a bracket, I feel like I need to get on my soap box for a little rant.

I hate brackets. Absolutely despise them. I boycott brackets. In fact, I haven’t filled one out since high school. My response when someone asks me if I want to fill one out is usually “go fuck yourself” or “I hope you get hit by a train.”

“Why does this cynical asshole hate brackets?” you ask yourself? Well, I’ll tell you why…

1) Getting Screwed: In the days before the internet was ubiquitous (early high school and junior high), everyone did real paper brackets, instead of filling them out online. Without  fail, every March Madness bracket pool I entered was won by the organizer. We’ll call this bracket organizer “Neal” for the sake of the story. Neal would always organize a bracket. $10 bucks, winner take all.

Every year, again, without fail, Neal would be 63-0, and would pocket everyone’s money. Yet, nobody ever saw Neal’s bracket. We would ask to see if, but he always left it “at home” or, “its in my head.” Remember when Hampton upset Iowa State in 2001, becoming only the fourth 15 to beat a 2? Yea, Neal “picked” that. Knowing what I know now, I would have filed a court order to force him to produce it.

2) Douche bags: Again, this goes back to high school. The first two days of the tournament, Thursday and Friday, there was a palpable buzz emanating through the school. People would skip class so they could watch the CBS Sportsline live scoring updates in the computer lab. Only problem was, total douche nozzles that hadn’t watched a single basketball game all year suddenly cared about college basketball and were hogging computer in the lab.

So real fans like me can’t get a computer to check on the Seaton Hall-Missouri game, meanwhile Johnny B. Douche over there, who doesn’t know who Coach K is, is on a computer because he just wanted to skip World History, or didn’t want to hear our 70 year old overweight theology teacher discuss performing oral sex on her husband. Yes, I was furious.

3) Again, douche bags. The same douche bags that didn’t really care and just wanted to skip class, thus keeping me from a computer, also filled out the most ridiculous brackets. Every game they picked an upset. They had all four 1 seeds losing to the 16s. Their final four consisted of Farleigh Dickinson, Southwest Vermont State Tech, El Centro Community College and St. Peter’s Orphanage.

So when they get lucky and hit one of these upsets, they run around the school like they know what they’re talking about, yelling like they’re fucking Dicky V, “I knew Western Kentucky was going to beat UNC!” The Tar-Heels suck! I picked that game, baby!!!” Forget the other twenty upsets that they swung and missed on, it’s the one they miraculously picked that they tell everyone about. It’s like getting an “A” in P.E., then failing every other class, but only telling your friends and family about the P.E. grade. Go fuck yourself, buddy.

4) Girls: If I wasn’t losing to Neal, I was losing to a girl that picked based on team colors and/or mascots. “Oh, Tar Heels, that sounds cool, I’ll pick them!” Or, “Oh, I love Oregon’s yellow and green. That’s so pretty!” Then somehow, they win, and I would feel emasculated because my bracket just got demolished by a girl.

5) Bracket Talk: Listen, no offense, but I don’t give a flying fuck about your bracket. Chances are if you’re reading this, you’re probably my friend, and I probably like you. But when you talk about your bracket, I want to beat the shit out of you.  I don’t care how many of the Sweet 16 teams you picked right. I don’t care who is in your Final Four, or who you picked for a national championship. I don’t care about your “upset specials.” And I really don’t want to hear you talking about how your bracket is already fucked up, and it’s only the end of the first day. I also don’t care about your golf game or your fucking kids. Just shut the fuck up. I cannot stress enough how little I care about your fucking bracket. There are very few things in life that are more of a beat down than bracket talk.

I think that about covers it. If you feel the same way as I do, take some friendly advice from me. Get on a plane and go to Vegas. Its crazy fun, there are a ton of people (yet you can still find a seat in most casinos to sit down) and you can make some real money, while not having to listen to ol’ Scotty McDoucherson over there go on and on about why 12’s beat 5 seeds. It’s really cool hearing and seeing a room with 500 people in it scream and go crazy when Louisville is beating Morehead State by 20 (damn you, Louisville, you can’t cover 22 against Morehead State?! You cost me a parlay!)

I know people say “Yea, but brackets make March Madness more fun. You actually care about all the games!” True, but you care even more when you have $200 riding on Texas A&M plus three against BYU, and a three team parlay with Western Kentucky, Sienna and Oklahoma State. Trust me on this. I won’t do you wrong.

P.S. I also hate Fantasy Sports (Fantasy NASCAR? Really? Has our society come to this point?), and college football pools. So be advised. 

Toby Halbrooks 

Knowing: a simple little movie about ethnic cleansing.  Or, a complicated Mormon propaganda film. Take your pick. Either way, it ends with white kids carrying white bunnies populating a white planet under a giant white tree.  Oh yeah, and the Earth gets blown up, (or cleansed, if you will). Spoiler alert … wait should I put that first? 

Remember in the Bible when God said he would never again flood the Earth? Well, in Knowing, He finds a loop-hole and burns the shit out of it. Probably the best movie I’ve seen all year, or at least the best ending of a movie. We should all strive for such a glorious ending.

Nic Cage gives a interSTELLAR performance—ask Ebert, the man gave it 4 stars.  There may have been other actors in this movie, but I can’t be 100% positive. WAIT! There was a little boy, but he was really awful … forget about him. Mr. Cage will, undoubtedly, win an Academy Award for his performance. If he fails to even garner a nomination I will bite my pillow.

My only regret is that I wasn’t there when the director showed the first cut to the studio execs. I can only imagine how magical those meetings were. Delusions on top of hallucinations within mescaline induced comas. I want to meet whoever got the green-light for this movie and shake his hand.  Bravo, sir. 

Rotten Tomato = 1000%  (recommended)

Doug Cooper

I’m starting to think that March Madness is more than just a basketball slogan.   What is it about this month that causes people to go absolutely bat-shit for no apparent reason?  Was it just poor planning or is it a coincidence that half of the year’s craziest events all just happen to fall into the same month?  It’s gotten to the point where I thought I needed to sit down and form some sort of list, so here goes…

NCAA Tournament

62 games in the span of a couple of weeks.  It’s the reason we know the names of people like Bryce Drew and Khaled El-Amin (I wish this information would leave my brain to make room for more important things like traffic laws and my ATM pincode).   It induces massive amounts of gambling and causes business to lose billions of dollars every year because of lack of productivity.  Added bonus, it increases awkward exchanges with co-workers by 237% by creating a subject for us to attempt and converse about.  If that’s not madness, than I don’t know what is. 

Hell, just the other day Cleveland St. beat Wake Forest.  Cleveland St.!  Did anyone have any idea that the city of Cleveland even had a building with books in it, let alone a college?  (Take that Cleveland.)  I’d never heard of such a school, so we googled it and here are some fun facts about the fighting Vikings:

• It was founded in 1964
• It was formerly known as the Cleveland Y.M.C.A. School of Technology
• Notable alumni include, Clinton Smith and Frank D. Celebrezze Jr.

So, yeah…that’s about as fun as it gets.           

Birthdays           

I would like to issue a public service announcement: People wanting to have kids should stop boning in June.  There are just way too many March birthdays.  There’s been like 800 this month and I don’t even have friends.  I could only imagine what it’s been like for likeable people.

Spring Break

Considering that I’ve never used steroids, I don’t have a barbwire arm tattoo and I’ve never worn a puka shell necklace, I’m not a huge spring break guy.  Guy’s like me should stay away from it really, at least the MTV/beach version of it.  I don’t do well in the sun (my skin actually reflects light), I can only do like 25 push-ups and I any more than the 30-40 minutes in a club, and I start to feel like my soul is dying. 

But for whatever reason, whenever March rolled around I always got roped into some sort of beach related, spring break party trip (all of which, with the exception of Cabo) completely sucked balls.  And the following moments of insanity are some of the reasons why… 

• When you and you’re buddy are walking to get something to eat and 6 dudes (ironically, all shirtless and packed into the bed of truck) will yell, “Hey!  The fag bar’s that way!”. 
• If you drink too much, it’s possible you’ll come-to a few days later and be inexplicably throwing a football with some dudes next to a Jeep.
• In every party city you go to, there’s apparently some undisclosed competition to see who can play 50 Cent the loudest.  It lasts every night from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m.  It’s great.
• As it was once said about Panama City, “If you think spinners [as in the rims] are funny, than this place is a god damn comedy club.”
• People peeing on any and everything; this includes the bed, your shoes, closets, your wallet, all over the ground everywhere.  I mean, it’s everywhere.
• Hype men.  Most of which (not just in Mexico) can’t speak understandable English.  Let’s play a game…imagine the biggest douche you’ve ever met…Now let’s take that person and give them a microphone connected a huge speaker system and let them scream whatever pops into their head for the next 3 hours…Now let’s play some really annoying techno music behind them.  How does that make you feel?  Are you hyped yet?!  I know I am.  Also, quick impression of your average hype man at a club in Mexico (in broken English), “Hey!  Shit!  Everyone get up off the asses and shakes the asses for the sex!  Yes!  This is the fuck!  Awesome!”  Thank you.  Notice they have no idea how to use curse words properly.  It’s fun.

With that said, I firmly believe that spring break should be awarded national holiday status and I’d probably go on another trip in a heart beat if anyone wants to go with me…

Ides of March

No big deal, just the event that got the ball rolling on the downfall of civilized humanity as we know it.  We bounced back, sort of, but, you know, it wasn’t great there for a while…

Oh, and an emperor got stabbed and stuff.

St. Patrick’s Day

So we decide it’s a good idea to wear green, pinch each other and get atrociously drunk on green beer for no discernible reason.  I can dig it.  A guy at my work wore a leprechaun costume, handed out candy and spoke in an Irish accent all day.  I need that in my life.  Just one question: can anyone actually name what St. Patrick did?  I know I have no idea.  I asked this while the celebration was in mid-swing…Silence.  It’s pretty funny actually.  St. Patrick would most likely be pretty pissed that most people use his holiday to get fiction levels of wasted and try to have promiscuous intercourse with people they may or may not actually like.  So basically, we’re just taunting a saint every year from beyond the grave.  St. Patty needs to hire a publicist.  Either way, it’s good stuff; even if it makes absolutely no sense.

International Women’s Day

This one’s self-explanatory.  A day…for women?  That’s just silly.

Mardi Gras

I don’t have a lot to say about Mardi Gras, the main reason being because I don’t remember a lot of it.  I’ve been once and the most vivid memory I have is of me wandering the streets at 6 a.m. asking random strangers if they knew where I could get some muffins.  There’s a lot of crazy things that say, “Mardi Gras,”: The parades, the police brutality, the showing of your private areas for beads; but doesn’t stumbling down bourbon street, unable to form coherent thought and asking people for baked goods, sum it up better than those things ever could?  I think so.

Texas Independence Day

This is event alone has led to thousands of fights in California; all of which were based on the following exchange, “What?!  You don’t wanna rile me, boy.  I’m from Texas!  Don’t mess with Texas!  …Wait, what?  What’d you say?!  …Hold on, I’m gonna take my shirt off.”  THAT-JUST-HAPPENED.

So let me conclude by saying, “What the hell March?!  Why you tryin’ to rile me, boy?  Don’t you know I’m from Texas?!”  You need to settle down month.

New stuff Monday…

Nick Clement

I’ve Loved You So Long (****) is so interesting because of how mesmerizing it is while actually being about something so very small and subtle.  This is a phenomenal directorial debut for teacher-turned-filmmaker Philippe Claudel, reminiscent in its confidence of craft and storytelling to that of Courtney Hunt’s Frozen River.  Both of these movies feature powerhouse female performances at their center, and both tell relatively small and intimate stories of emotional survival pitched against despairing odds.  Kirstin Scott Thomas and Elsa Zylberstein burn up the screen in I’ve Loved You So Long.  Never succumbing to histrionics or overacting, Thomas and Zylberstein create an intense on-screen connection that feels real and honest.  Thomas is Juliette, a woman who has just been released into the care of her sister, Lea (Zylberstein), after serving 15 years in prison for the murder of her six-year old son.  That’s it — that’s the only plot description that I will divulge.  This film doesn’t do the things you think it will.  Which is why it becomes as quietly devastating as it does.  Claudel doesn’t poke and pry and take the easy way out with the challenging story that he has created.  Instead, over the course of a tight two hours, he takes his time, allowing all of his actors to form a close knit feeling of intimacy, and then letting the emotional fireworks explode in the final few minutes.  Never maudlin and rarely overtly sentimental, this is a powerful piece of filmmaking and storytelling.  Thomas is extraordinary in an extremely introverted fashion, which calls for her to act more with her eyes and facial expressions that it does with her words.  And equally impressive is Zylberstein, who has arguably a more layered character to pull off.  Separated from her sister when she was a teenager because of the crime, she’s a woman who is just learning how to involve her older sister in her life.  Years of pain and confusion come simmering to the surface, and it’s because of Zylberstein’s ease and poise as an actress that we’re never smacked in the head with cheap emotional grandstanding.  This is an excellent film.

Matteo Garrone’s Gomorra is a masterpiece.  Simply put.  As a piece of filmmaking, it’s flawless.  As a piece of storytelling, it’s impeccable.  Now, is it an “entertaining” mafia saga along the lines of Goodfellas or Casino or The Godfather?  Not really.  Gomorra is a punishing and unflinching look at real organized crime in Naples, Italy.  Based on a bestselling and highly controversial true-crime novel which ended up requiring the author (and members of the eventual film production) to go into witness protection, Gomorrais kind of like the Italian version of City of God, in that it takes you on a hellish journey to a very violent corner of the earth and rubs your face in viciousness and unremorseful killing.  And that, really, is the essence of Gomorra – killing.  Death, as it is in all gangster tales, hangs over this film like the Grim Reaper himself.  There is no hope for anyone in this film.  You expect any one character to get bumped off at any moment while watching the film; the phrase “always looking over your shoulder” is a sad reality for everyone inGomorra.  The film effortlessly weaves five separate storylines together.  Two young punks who love reciting dialogue from Brian De Palma’s bloody classic Scarface are anxious to become real-time mafooches, and are blissfully unaware of the real dangers that they face.  An illegal garment maker who has learned his trade through various crime circles starts trading his knowledge to the Chinese in exchange for cash; you can imagine how pissed the Italians will be with this.  Two youngsters are drafted into a life crime after doing petty jobs for the higher-ups.  You get a look at the organization’s money-man, who becomes increasingly conflicted with his job as the film progresses.  And finally, there is the toxic-waste disposal element to the narrative, which is equally as troubling as any of the other segments.  The documentary film style is reminiscent to that of The Battle of Algiers; Garrone plops you down into the scummy crime-filled environment and forces you to see everything at ground level.  There is immediacy to the violence in Gomorra, a bracing level of coldness on display from the various killers which is pretty startling.  It’s all part of the business; killing just comes with the territory.  And even though almost all of the characters are unlikable people, you watch with a growing sense of dread as it becomes all but certain that everyone will end up meeting their maker before the end credits start to roll.  This isn’t an easy or commercial gangster movie like the films I’ve referenced above.  Instead, it’s a brutal look at a real-world scenario that’s going on right now — and has been going on for years — under our noses.  Like City of God, Gomorra takes you to hell and back.  And while not anywhere near as hyper-stylized like City of God, there is a feeling of force and visceral impact in Gomorra that forces the viewer to take notice.

Doug Cooper

It’s safe to say that the Republican Party has lost its way.  When the best response you can give to Obama’s platform is to send out Kenneth the Page, I’m sorry, Bobby Jendal, to blather and parrot about tax cuts, then I think it’s safe to say that you’re in trouble.  “$140 million for something called ‘Volcano Monitoring’.”  Yes, Kenneth.  I’m sure you picked that because it sounded stupid, but coming from someone whose state’s largest city was destroyed by a natural disaster, it sounds completely idiotic.

Frankly, I’m a little shocked it didn’t happen more convincingly on Election Day, but it seems like people are really beginning to turn on Republicans.  I’ve said before that this was a party I once found appealing, but I firmly believe that if you voted for McCain on election day then you were either stubborn or just weren’t paying attention.  I’ll have that debate with anyone, anytime, anywhere.  You may believe in certain principles of GOP ideology, and that’s fine, but if you voted for this Republican Party then you made the wrong decision.  There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that Obama had a better grasp on the countries problems, a more definitive and innovative way to solve those problems, and a greater ability to lead and inspire more people than McCain ever could.  He was the best candidate.

But hey, this is all completely understandable.  As I said in a post a while back, the GOP lost because they don’t stand for anything anymore.  They have no platform, other than what sounds good at the moment.  In my lifetime, never has there existed a larger discrepancy between “political ideology” and actual policy.  The GOP platform over the last eight years has grown so ripe with hypocrisy that it has become laughable.

This is the party of fiscal responsibility and less spending, only despite inheriting a $128 billion surplus the deficit ballooned past $482 billion in 2008 (add in projected costs of the Iraq War and that deficit goes over $1 trillion according to some sources).  Of course, that’s the actual deficit, not the deficit according to the Bush Budget, which is, um, let’s say, “Enron-esque.”  So spare me GOP, with your incessant whining about Obama’s new budget considering a large chunk of the spending comes from the need to fix problems he inherited from your boy.  (Also, quit saying that Obama is creating a $1.35 trillion deficit.  That’s a distortion of the facts and you know it.  Obama is adding $550 billion to that deficit in an attempt to get us out of the shit storm you guys put us in.  So the reality is he’s spending $70 billion more then Bush did last year.  That’s not the end of the world.  Not to mention, he’s actually acknowledging those deficits and attempting to do things to pay for them, like raising taxes on the top 5%, instead of just pretending like they don’t exist.)  So, if you want to give tax cuts to the wealthy, then you might want to actually cut the tax money we spend.  Cheney said in 2002, “…Reagan proved deficits don’t matter.”  Well, this might be true in some capacities, but when you cut taxes for the rich and then impart a debt on the entire country (at least a portion of which will have to be paid back), then it’s basically just a money grab by the rich.  Conservatives love to bitch about wealth distribution or “Robin Hood” tax programs, but the reality is that it works both ways.  And the other reality is that the money trickles up far more often than it trickles down.

This is the official party of Christians everywhere.  Only, they aren’t the least bit representative of Christian beliefs.  They’ve shit on the poor by spending the last 8 years trying, and often successfully cutting social programs designed to help them.  They supported a preemptive war (almost unanimously) that has taken the lives of well over 1 million people and counting.  Wasn’t Jesus a pacifist?  Didn’t he teach us to honor the poor and downtrodden?  This is a party that consistently got onto its pedestal and to preach about what God wanted, but little in the way of trying to enact it.

This is the tough guy party, loved by the good ol’ boys across middle America; yet, they also run on a campaign of fear mongering, push the idea that we should be afraid of anyone and everyone different from us, and that we’re all going to die if we don’t kill “them” first.  For such a tough bunch, they sound pretty cowardly when they talk about terrorism.  Let’s be real, we’re never going to be completely safe, and when you compromise your values to try and achieve this illusion, then they aren’t much in the way of values.  See: Illegal Wire Tapping, Torture, Illegal Seizures, etc.

This is the party that isn’t going to win anymore.

I could go on, but that’s enough bashing for the time being.  It may be fun to kick someone while they’re down, but it’s not necessarily productive.  Besides, this is supposed to be more about ideas than it is about the problems.  (And don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware that some of these problems exist on both sides of the aisle; but to say they are less prevalent on the Democratic side would be an understatement.)  So what can the GOP do to get back in the game?  I have some ideas for a new platform…

OPPORTUNITY

The Republicans are supposed to be capitalists, right?  Well, they should start talking that way; they should start talking about ACTUAL capitalism and frame it through something everyone cares about.  You can scream tax cuts until your blue in the face (no pun intended), but that’s not going to win the hearts and minds.  Most people may care about tax cuts, but most people aren’t passionate about it.  Talk about something that will get everyone fired up — talk about opportunity.

Capitalism is the idea that the best will rise to the top because of the abundance of opportunity that exists in this country and the freedom to do what you see fit with it. That’s great.  I think everyone in America strongly believes in that idea.  What the GOP forgets is that the concept is inherently based on the idea that every person has an equal opportunity to succeed.  Unfortunately, this isn’t the reality of the country we live in.  The rich have more opportunities and a higher sense of obligation to better things than the poor.  That’s just the way it is.  But if Republicans want to become more populist; why not run on a platform based on providing better opportunity for more people?  Why not run on the idea that equal opportunity will ultimately result in more and better companies, a better and more productive workforce, and more money for more people?  Remember, when the middle class gets richer, so do the wealthy.  It benefits everyone.

So what’s the best way to push this?  Become fervent and steadfast proponents of education.  This should be a top GOP priority and they need to sell their wealthy constituents on the benefits it will have for long-term financial growth and prosperity.   Education, education, education.  Everyone wants it, everyone believes in its value, and almost every parent in this country is passionate about it.  Sell it to people as a way to level the playing field; that companies will now truly have the best workers in the world to choose from, and realize that people who graduate college do substantially better financially than those who do not.  And guess what?  More financially successful people in America means more people will listen when you talk about your tax-cuts.  It’s a win-win.

FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY

Republicans love to preach about fiscal responsibility and making your government dollars count; this is a great platform, they just go about it in completely the wrong way.  When the GOP rants about saving tax payer money and cutting your taxes, again, they frame it in maybe the most unappealing way possible.  Republicans love to spout off about how government is broken and how the only answer is to get rid of as much of it as possible, but this isn’t going to sell most people.  “Wait, so you’re telling me that you’re running on the platform that you will do as little for me as you possibly can?  Where do I punch the voting card?”  This idea that government doesn’t work so we might as well get rid of it, borders on nihilism and it’s definitely not something that will get people impassioned to vote; especially independents.  If I am going to vote for you – do something.  Don’t just cut a bunch of programs.  Don’t just spend less.  If you want me to vote for you, start throwing out some innovative ways to save government money without just cutting a bunch of programs (most of which actually help people).  Start using words like streamlining, and synergy and other business buzz words that will make me think you have some creative solutions for saving and making our money count other than saying, “This whole thing is fucked.  Let’s blow it up.” 

Now, I don’t know anything about business, but I’m sure there are hundreds (maybe thousands) of ideas the GOP could come up with to make government run more smoothly and efficiently if they actually, you know, cared about it working properly.  Let’s get cracking on these.

NEUTRALITY

Just drop the hawkish shit.  I would say that the GOP should take a page from the book of Ron Paul on this one.  If you want to spend less and truly be more fiscally responsible, then start framing peace as a necessary part of that platform.  Wars cost a lot, are hardly ever necessary, and usually don’t do anyone any good.  We can all agree on this, I’d hope.  And if we don’t, it certainly would be easier to agree on if we didn’t have people constantly pushing an agenda of fear and, like I said earlier, the illusion of absolute safety. 

Without something that borders on a nationwide consensus (See: Afghanistan – 88% approval rating from the people vs. Iraq – 58% [USA Today]), war should not be an option.  Unless it hovers somewhere around that 85% mark, the GOP shouldn’t even consider it.  That’s about a close as you can get to a nationwide consensus on anything in this country and that’s really (in general) the only time we should be willing to make the incredible sacrifice that comes with sending our soldiers to war.  These days, there’s far less worry about any sort of super power nations starting another world war, so our problems come more from things like terrorism and insurgent/guerilla groups than they do from established nations.  That means waging all-out war, of any kind, is not the best way to go about handling most of these problems anyway.

The GOP should build on the idea of nuetrality and return to its days as a party that was elected to foster peaceful times.  The party that would withdraw us from conflict, look for long-term solutions, and in the end, actually do more to ensure our safety. 

RULE OF LAW

One of the tenets that won the GOP the ’92 election was Bush’s “Tough on Crime” stance.  The Willie Horton ads pretty much devastated any chance that Dukakis had.   So what can we learn from this?  Justice impassions voters (and yeah, maybe a little fear).  But this justice shouldn’t just apply to violent criminals, it should apply to corporate ones as well.  What better time than to talk about corporate justice than right now; a time when greed and corruption has been running rampant.  Let us know you’re serious about justice by showing your tough on crime, no matter what kind of crime that may be. 

You can be friends to big business, but this friendship should not be unconditional.  Let the American people know that you will be a friend to the right businesses.  There was a time when we could rely American companies to do not only what was good for their company, but good for America as well.  With the rise of globalization, a decreased sense of nationality and more lax regulations, that has gone out the window.  Profits are now the name of the game for most companies, and these profits can often come at high costs.  Companies need for hand-over-fist “growth” to appease boards, investment firms, trading companies and whoever else has invested interest in higher profits and this has caused us to lose sight of the big picture and sell ourselves out in the process.  Since 1980, America has gone from a country that has the largest surplus and is the highest exporter of goods, to the country that has the largest deficit and is the largest importer of goods.  That’s basically the economy of a third world country.  The only difference is we have a lot more goodwill to burn, but it’s goodwill that won’t last forever.

So when looking at our “economic growth” over the last 8 years, notice that it wasn’t growth at all.  The top 1% saw a dramatic increase in profits, while the middle class and poor saw no increase; not even an increase that could match inflation.  That’s a problem.  The GOP needs to stand up for keeping jobs here, and fight not only for better working conditions in America, but also around the globe.  Just because Wal-Mart’s manufacturing plants are in China and China allows people to work in borderline slave conditions doesn’t make it any less unjust.  Just because they’re legal in another country doesn’t mean we’re not still enabling poor working conditions.  Those plants might as well exist in Mississippi.  So why not build plants we can be proud of, in say, Mississippi?

(And for those that would disagree and say that the increases in costs keeps American companies from being competitive, I would say this is a myth.  There are plenty of good examples of companies that pay workers well and make products solely within the U.S. that are highly profitable.  The advantage these companies have is in the quality of their product.  By making something their employees are proud of and their customers highly enjoy, they fulfill a need, create long-term customer loyalty, and become a part of the community.  There’s a very distinct difference between the two, and it’s a difference we’ve let slip through the cracks far too often.  Remember the days when we used to be proud to say something was, “Made in America”?  That was only 30 years ago – there’s no reason it can’t be now too.)

Republicans can make it clear that they will do everything to make life easier for companies, but only the right ones.  The ones who don’t have America’s best interests at heart will be brought to swift justice and be labeled as unpatriotic.  They have a perfect opportunity to start by challenging the people most solely responsible for the mess we’re in now.  Republicans would be national heroes if they were able to bring down just one or two of the people responsible for the housing crisis through a public trial.  Republicans can fight for fewer regulations, but fewer regulations will only work if the laws we do have in place are vehemently enforced and we make examples of those who break them. The GOP needs to destroy their dreams of an “Ownership Society” and realize that there are millions, upon millions of capable people in America, not just a select few.  If their dealings with corporate entities reflect this, then so will their votes.

There are obviously many more facets to a platform that have to be considered, but these are the ideas that stick out to me the most when I hear this new GOP talk with nothing to say.  The most basic principles behind these ideas are fairness and equality, ideas that are the backbone to what this country believes in.  The Republicans need to take action and initiative, otherwise they risk looking like the party that sat by and did nothing while the country struggled.  Whether the economy, or the nation, gets better or worse over the next 4 years won’t matter, because people will remember a party that was more concerned with protecting it’s own flawed ideology than it was concerned with actually helping us succeed.  You may not agree with what Obama is doing, but everyone can say that at least he’s trying.  As of right now, to say the Republicans are half-assing it would be a compliment.  And that’s the last thing they deserve.  

Danny Boy

That’s right folks, it’s that time of year again. No, not Lent. Nope, not baseball season or March Madness, either. Yes, spring is right around the corner, but even that’s not what’s important. No, my friends, it’s Chilifest time. That’s right. The once in a lifetime event that happens every year.

For those unfamiliar with Chilifest, well, you’re missing out. It’s the best thirty-six hours of the year. Better than Christmas, better than your birthday.  Whatever it is, I don’t care, it’s not as great as Chilifest. Chilifest is a two day party every year that takes place in the small town of Snook, Texas, which is about 15 miles outside College Station and Texas A&M (side note: Snook should be a slang term for vagina).

Chilifest is basically a contemporary Woodstock, only with country music, less drugs and more beer.  It’s 40,000 people camping out, getting as drunk as they’ll get all year, and listening to live music. There really aren’t words to describe how much fun it is. In fact, the name “Chilifest” is a bit of a misnomer. I’ve been to three Chilifests, and have never actually seen a pot of chili. A more accurate name would be, “Three-Day Hangover-Fest,” or, “Sex With Strangers in a Port-a-Potty-Fest,” or maybe even, “I Hope I Don’t Pass Out and Choke on My Vomit-Fest.” But I digress.

The way it works is, you get a bunch of your friends and form a “chili team.” Back in the early days of Chilifest, teams actually competed in a chili cook off. Now, your team is just the people you get drunk with for 36 hours. Each team gets a plot of land, about forty feet by forty feet, where you set up your tents, grill, smoker, etc. You get there on Friday afternoon and start drinking. Most people will pass out there on Friday night, instead of  tyring to run the gauntlet of consisting of every cop in Texas between Snook and College Station. You wake up Saturday and do it all over again, before calling it a day around sundown Saturday.

Even though, I’ve had an insane amount of fun at the three Chilifests I’ve attended, every time, something catastrophic has occurred.  Every time something has happened that has had a severe and negative impact on my health and overall well-being. We’ll start with Chilifest 2005.

Chilifest 2005 

First of all, the fact that this was five years ago makes me feel incredibly old. But this was my first Chilifest, and I look upon it with the same fond memories as a new father does the birth of his first child. Friday night, my friends and I did the same thing the other 39,950 people do at Chilifest; get incredibly drunk, then pass out in a tent, and hope you don’t piss yourself.

So Saturday morning, I wake up with a hangover the likes of which you can’t imagine. I’m also incredibly sore because I just slept on the cold, hard ground. I decide that I really need some Advil and a bottle of water. Now, Chilifest is BYOBeer, but no hard liquor is allowed. However, this rule can easily be side stepped with the ol’ rum or vodka in a water bottle trick. I was also at the time recovering from a cold. So I had a cough drop in my mouth, and my sense of taste was still diminished by the cold.

So I reach into the cooler, grab a bottle of “water” and a couple Advil, pop the Advil in my mouth, and then proceed to chug about one half to three fourths of the “water” before I realize that something isn’t right. The exchange that followed went like this:

Me: This doesn’t taste like water.

Friend: Yea, it’s vodka.

Me: …Oops.

Being the young, naive asshole that I was, I didn’t really grasp the severity of what I had just done. So I piled a few beers on top of the 10-15 ounces of vodka I had just chugged. About an hour later, it hit me. Next thing I know, I’m passed out in a lawn chair for the rest of the afternoon.

This presented two problems. One, I’m about as Irish as Bono and Sinead O’Connor’s illegitimate love child. Needless to say, my skin doesn’t hold up well under the sun. And by this time in the day, I had not yet put on sunscreen. By the time I woke up, I had second degree sunburns all over my face, arms and legs.  It was bad.  The peeling and blisters lasted about two weeks.

Second problem was, I was passed out in a lawn chair, surrounded by a lot of very drunk people. Let’s just say, if I had a dollar for every testicle that was stuck in my face that afternoon, I could probably bail out AIG by myself.

But that’s not all, folks. No, it gets better. So after eight to ten hours passed out in a lawn chair, baking in the sun and getting ball sweat wiped off on my cheeks; I finally awake from my slumber just in time to catch a ride back into College Station. Somebody, I still am not sure who, dropped me off at my house. Thinking that I’m good to go by now, I sit around and drink a few beers with my roommates, before heading back to my bedroom to pass out again.

The next thing I remember, it’s 4 a.m., I’m in my bed, and my roommate is yelling at me.

Roommate (drunk, slurring his words): Dude, I need you to drive me to this chicks house.  I need to get laid.

Me (drunk, slurring my words): Fuck off.

Roommate: Dude, I’m horny.

Me: I’m drunk, leave me alone.

Roommate: Dude, you’ve been passed out all day and all night, you have to be sober enough to drive by now.

Me: Go fuck yourself.

My roommate rips the sheets off my bed, and then stands there, staring at me in silence, while his brain processes the sight before him. He then says the following:

Roommate: Dude, you’re naked and covered in piss.

I didn’t care. It got my roommate out of my room, and immediately went back to sleep.  Piss covered bed and all.

So I wake up the next morning, and sure enough, I’m incredibly hungover, I’m naked, and still lying in my own piss.  At that point, I did what any rational 21 year-old that just pissed himself would do: I took my sheets off the bed and put then in the washing machine. About an hour later, I go to get my sheets out of the washing machine, and out falls my cell phone. So on top of all the physical pain and discomfort, in my hungover induced stupor, I also destroyed my cell phone.

Chilifest 2006 

As I said earlier, I’ve never actually seen a pot of chili, but there is still very, very good food at Chilifest. On Friday night, most teams have a team dinner, with a designated cook, some sort of huge, contrived grill or smoker, and lots of red meet.

Our team’s cook was Beau. Now, I love Beau. He’s one of my favorite people in the world. It’s impossible to be around Beau and be in a bad mood. But that being said, the son of a bitch almost killed me. Beau cooked a brisket that was absolutely delicious (but what doesn’t taste good when your on your sixteenth beer in seven hours?).

The rest of Chilifest went off without a hitch. All in all, it was pretty uneventful. There was some Crisco Slip and Slide, a guy passed out in a cactus, you know, the usual. I managed to avoid the vodka this year, the massive sunburns, and testicles in my face.

I went home Saturday night, passed out, woke up Sunday with only a mild hangover. Didn’t do much all day, sat around the house, watched some TV, cooked myself dinner, and went to bed around ten or eleven.  Then midnight rolled around, and I honestly thought I was going to die.

I woke up with the WORST case of the stereos you could possibly imagine. I’m not sure how widely used the term “stereos” is, but my dad uses it to describe when you’re so sick, it comes out of both ends, like a stereo. I spent all night, literally, from midnight to 5:30 a.m., sitting on the toilet, diarrhea coming out of my ass, while simultaneously throwing up into the bath tub next to me. I was on the toilet so long, I thought my ass was going to fuse to the seat.

After about two to three hours of constant vomiting and diarrhea, I thought I was puking up, while simultaneously, pooping out my internal organs. I wasn’t sure how there could possibly be anything left in my stomach to poop out or throw up. I think around three or four in the morning, I just started throwing up stomach acid and bile. I’m telling you, I was sick. I don’t know if Beau bought that brisket at E-Coli-Mart or just stuck it on the grill for 3.4 seconds and served us raw meat, but that brisket did a number on me. I wasn’t the only one. Half our team got sick. Though, no one it seems, got as sick as me.

Yet, being the nice guy that I am, I didn’t want to wake up my roommate and ask him to take me to the hospital, despite the fact that I may or may not have been dying. Instead, I got my cell phone and called the “Dial a Nurse” hotline that Texas A&M provides to its students. I spent the next hour or two on the phone with a nurse (outsourced to India) asking me what color my stool and vomit was. I kept asking her if I was dying. She assured me, I just had food poisoning (thanks, Beau) and sever dehydration (thanks, Beau and Miller Lite).

Finally, at about 5:30 in the morning, after the diarrhea and vomit had subsided, I crawled off the toilet (not even sure if I wiped my ass because I was so weak), and literally crawled into my roommate David’s room. I grabbed his arm, and like a small child trying to wake his dad up on a Saturday morning, just tugged at him until he woke up. He sat up and then looked down at my ghost white face covered in vomit as I lay on his bedroom floor.

He carried me to his car and drove me to the hospital, where the ER doctors confirmed what the Indian dial a nurse told me: I had food poisoning and severe diarrhea. I spent that morning in a hospital bed while they pumped two bags of saline into a vein in my right arm (thanks again, Beau!). I lost about ten pounds (thanks even more, Beau!).  And I still believe to this day that I also pooped out my small intestine.

Chilifest 2007

Chilifest 2007 was a bit tamer than the previous two Chilifests, partly because I was a little older (and ostensibly more mature), but mainly because most of my friends had graduated and moved off to start their “careers.” There were only a few of us left.

This year, we had managed to arrange a sober ride back into College Station on Friday night, so we avoided tent/cold ground sleeping.  Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, Tom, Christian and myself pile into K.P.’s car and she graciously allowed us to sleep at her place. Why we slept at her place and not our own house, I’m not entirely sure, but once again, I digress. Christian and Tom somehow finagled their way into a bedroom (her roommates were camping at Chilifest) and I got stuck on the couch. No worries though, I was drunk, and a couch is much better than the ground.  Or so I thought.

Right before I passed out for the night, K.P. came into the living room. ..

K.P.: I hope you’re not allergic to cats

Me (drunk, slurring my words): Very allergic….

K.P.: Well, my roommates have cats, and they sleep on this couch, so there’s a lot of cat hair on it. You might want to sleep somewhere else.

Me: I don’t care.  Just let me sleep.  I’ll be fine.

K.P.: Okay….

As I told K.P., I’m very allergic to cats. I woke up five or six hours later, my head twice the size it usually is, with all sorts of strange fluids coming out of every orifice of my head. I couldn’t talk to anyone, because I couldn’t stop sneezing. I could barely see, because my eyes were almost swollen shut. There wasn’t enough Benadryl on the face of the planet to cure this allergic reaction.

While it didn’t require a trip to the hospital and two IV bags, a hangover combined with an allergic reaction to cats is almost as unbearable as food poisoning and severe dehydration. 

Despite my bad luck (or self inflicted misfortune), I would go back to Chilifest in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, law school isn’t really conducive to being drunk for 36-48 hours straight and then being hungover ‘till Wednesday.

Nick Clement

I love it when movie screens go crash-and-boom for four months during the summer movie season.  There are more than just these below on the docket for this summer, but I wanted to preview the movies that I am most excited to check out (hence the lack of rom-coms and kid-pic mentions).  Anyways, here’s a peek at my most anticipated flicks.

MAY

The summer movie season officially kicks off on May 1^st with franchise spin-off X-Men Origins: Wolverine, starring Hugh Jackman as the titular character.  Directed by Gavin Hood (Rendition), the film has a sturdy cast (Danny Houston, Liev Schreiber, Ryan Reynolds, Taylor Kitsch) and the trailer is looking pretty sweet.  I was a big fan of the first two X-Men features; the third installment not as much.  I hope that Hood is able to bring a bit of dark edginess to this film, as the character of Wolverine definitely qualifies as “dark” and “edgy”.

On May 8^th, the J.J. Abrams directed Star Trek reboot hits theaters.  I am not a trekkie by any stretch but the trailer for this new outing looks incredible.  I am a big sci-fi fan in general and I have been pleased with Abrams’ recent cinematic output (Mission: Impossible 3, Cloverfield).  This should be a lot of fun.

May 15^th brings the release of the new Sascha Baron Cohen comedy Bruno, which should do for gay Austrian fashion designers what Borat did for awkward Kazakh journalists.  Even without having seen any footage, this is easily one of my most anticipated films for the summer.  Also on May 15^th, Ron Howard’s DaVinci Code prequel Angels & Demons hits theaters.  I barely remember the first one, so I am not too excited for this one.  We’ll see…

For the Memorial Day weekend, we’ll have Terminator: Salvation hitting theaters on 5/22.  The recently released full trailer kicks all sorts of ass.  I have detested director McG’s resume thus far (the two Charlie’s Angels movies, We Are Marshall) but something tells me that this film will be his big coming-out.  We’ll see.  Having Christian Bale as the lead gives me some hope and confidence about the overall quality of the script – Bale wouldn’t phone one in at this point in his career, would he? 

On May 29^th, the Pixar juggernaut rolls along with their latest creation, Up, a film I know very little about other than that it involves a little old man and his house being lifted off the ground by lots of balloons.  Oh, and it’s in 3-D.  The most recent Pixar tale, Wall*E, was a landmark movie.  If Up is only half-as-good as Wall*E than we’ll all be in for a treat.  Also of note on May 29^th is director Sam Raimi’s return to horror, Drag Me to Hell.  I am not a big horror fan, but I do love me some Raimi, so this’ll be one horror thriller I’ll make an effort to see on the big screen.

JUNE

On June 5^th, we get a little film in the midst of all of the explosions: Away We Go, a new comedy from director Sam Mendes (Revolutionary Road, American Beauty), who is taking his first stab at an out-right laugher.  Starring Jon Krasinski and Maya Rudolph as a married couple expecting their first child, the film is apparently all about the process of finding a house in America to call your own.  I don’t know much about the film, but at this point, anything coming from Mendes seems to be worthy of your time.  Also on June 5^th is the Will Ferrell-Danny McBride sci-fi comedy Land of the Lost, which looks like, well, lots of berserk fun.  I love McBride, so he could be starring in a movie version of reading the phone book and I’d be there opening day.  Also, a small tidbit, but the cinematographer on Land of the Lost is the amazing Dion Beebe, who shot the shit out of both Collateral and Miami Vice for Michael Mann.  The film should at least look amazing…

The big-gun release for June 12th is Tony Scott’s The Taking of Pelham 123, his remake of Alvin Sargent’s 1970’s actioner about a subway worker (Denzel Washington) who has to contend with a nasty hijacker (John Travolta).  This is easily one of my most anticipated films of the summer.  Tony Scott is one of my movie-Gods, so I couldn’t be happier to see his latest get a choice summer release date.  Add in the fact that the film will be rated R and I’m even more excited.

On June 19^th, the horrendous looking Year One hits theaters.  On paper, it’s a funny premise: a caveman comedy with Jack Black, Michael Cera, and tons of familiar faces, written by a team of The Office scribes, and directed by comedy veteran Harold Ramis.  Then why does the film’s trailer look so abysmal?  I really hope the gears start changing on this movie, because I want to want to see it. 

But make way for June 26^th, because it’s on this day that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen blasts its way onto movie screens across the globe.  This mega-budgeted sequel from shock-and-awe action maestro Michael Bay is my pick for biggest grossing movie of the summer status, and it’s also one of the top two films of the season for me personally.  I flat-out loved the first Transformers movie; it wasn’t rocket-scientist shit, but for what it wanted to be, it was exactly that – incredibly entertaining.  Bay has been talking a lot of shit the last few weeks about how massive his new film will be in scope – I can only imagine.  I expect the CGI bar that Bay set with the first installment to be utterly destroyed with this new film.  I cannot wait.

JULY

The 4^th of July holiday weekend typically involves Will Smith, aliens, or superheroes.  Not this year. Instead, the big movie for the holiday weekend is decidedly adult in tone – Public Enemies, from master filmmaker Michael Mann (Heat, Collateral, The Insider, Ali, Miami Vice).  This is my #1 film for the entire summer movie season (Transformers takes a back seat to this one).  With an R-rating, a cast which includes Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Marion Cotillard, and a slew of great supporting actors, and extremely appealing subject matter (John Dillinger’s crime spree through 1930’s Chicago), Public Enemies could be that rare summer blockbuster (like Gladiator) that finds both critical acclaim and audience acceptance, making this an early Oscar contender.  Should be a sensational film.  Mann working again with his Heat and The Insider cinematographer Dante Spinotti is yet another reason to be pumped for this new film.

On July 19^th, Woody Allen’s latest tale of dysfunction, Whatever Works, hits theaters.  I have really been digging Allen’s latest work (Melinda & Melinda, Match Point, Cassandra’s Dream, and Vicky Cristina Barcelona were all aces), but the pairing of Allen behind the camera with the super-neurotic Larry David in the lead role should be a match made in heaven.  My only issue: the involvement of Evan Rachel Wood, an actress that I just cannot stand.  Fine, was very good in her brief scenes in The Wrestler, but everything about that film was phenomenal, so all she had to do was not suck.  Whatever Works is some sort of May-December romance involving David and Wood, so this should be an appropriately weird little flick. 

The Hurt Locker, from director Kathryn Bigelow (Strange Days, Point Break), made a huge splash at various film festivals late last year, and finally hits theaters on July 24^th.  If you’ve seen the live-wire trailer, you know what it’s about: a team of bomb disposal soldiers in Iraq who are tasked with defusing (or detonating) all of the IED’s that line the roadways and city streets in the Middle East.  The film looks powerful and explosive, and while not necessarily a winking-at-you demolition derby like the ones that Bay has become known for, The Hurt Locker could be a serious stand-out amongst all of the other, more juvenile offerings.  Also on July 24^th, there’s a relatively good sounding (and looking) rom-com called The Ugly Truth coming out, which stars Katherine Heigel and Gerard Butler.  Hey, if I gotta see one chick-flick this summer as penance for taking my soon-to-be-wife to see boy-toy-movies like Transformers 2, this one at least looks sort of funny.  Maybe risqué.  The R-rating helps a lot.

Then, on July 31^st, comes the latest Judd Apatow directed laugher, Funny People, which stars Apatow regulars Seth Rogen and Leslie Mann, along with newcomers Adam Sandler and Eric Bana.  The film, judging from its trailer, seems to be more serious than previous Apatow fare, which could be a good thing.  Or a bad thing.  The film revolves around the professional stand-up comedy circuit, and I’d wager a guess that it’ll be R-rated like all of Apatow’s other movies.  On paper, it’s got lots going for it, but I need to see a bit more.  The trailer was interesting because it wasn’t necessarily laugh-out-loud the way the trailers have been for Knocked Up, Pineapple Express, and The 40 Year Old Virgin.  But, it’d be silly to bet against Apatow at this point.

AUGUST

The biggest question mark of the summer movie season belongs to the big August 7^th title, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.  Now, I am of two minds with this film.  On one hand, you’ve got the real potential for a fun, goofy action flick with all sorts of great opportunity for wanton destruction and mayhem.  But on the other hand, you’ve got the involvement of craptastic director Stephen Sommers, who was responsible for The Mummy (a solid movie, fine), The Mummy Returns (pretty cheesy), and Van Helsing (amazingly cheesy).  The cast is jam-packed: Channing Tatum, Dennis Quaid, Sienna Miller, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Christopher Eccelston.  That Super Bowl trailer was decent – the film will at least look nice and it should deliver some decent thrills.  But something tells me that this movie will go wrong at exactly the same place that the similarly themed Transformers movies have gone so right: overall execution.  Sommers ain’t Bay.  So we’ll see what develops…

Then, to close out the summer, is Quentin Tarantino’s latest romp, Inglorious Basterds, which hits theaters on August 21^st.  I am a Tarantino disciple from way back.  He’s only let me down once (see: Death Proof), but I consider him to be one of the most original and eclectic voices in American cinema.  True, he borrows a lot from the various masters that he so obviously worships, but you just know that when the lights are dimming in the theater and the latest Tarantino is splashed over the screen, you’re in for something daring, crazy, and at the very least, viscerally exciting.  Inglorious Basterds is some sort of Nazi-hunting, WWII spaghetti Western, with lots of graphic violence, irreverent humor, and Brad Pitt sporting a sleazy moustache and an even sleazier Southern drawl.  The film sounds and looks like more fun that a barrel of Nazi’s.

So, there you have it – an in-depth look at some of the titles that I’m most interested in over the summer movie season.  I’m sure I’ve missed some titles – if you can think of any major movies left off the list, let me know.  

J.C.

It’s that time of the year again. No, not national square root day. Lent! As we all know, Lent is a time for remembrance, a time to reflect, and a time to get really cheap fish fillets at McDonald’s on Fridays. The real historical meaning of lent is a celebration of Jesus’ descent into Middle Earth to drive the Nazi’s out of Europe (and straight to South Walpole. Ba-zing!) Anyways, as a Catholic it is understood that during this 40 day period we are to give up, or ‘sacrifice’ something from our daily lives. So in the spirit of the season, I’ve compiled a list of non-traditional things you can give up. Even if you don’t partake in the glory of lent, you can still participate in our little exhibition.

Laughing: This might not seem like an easy thing to give up, but trust me it is well worth the discipline. For example, I like to say “that’s funny” in an extremely dry voice whenever I hear someone tell a joke or see something humorous on television. Not only does it totally catch people off-guard, it totally deflates their self-confidence. Let’s face it, people rely on the acceptance of others. What better way to keep them pining for it, than to not laugh at the things they say.

Giving Sound Advice: This is one of my personal favorites. Not only do you get to use your poetic license, it’s also an easy way to get people from asking you to help them with ‘life problems’. Who has time for that anyways? For example: Guy you work with: “Hey man, my wife and I have been having problems at home. The spark just isn’t there anymore. What should I do?” You: “Go on a three day bender with a stripper, a midget, and Randy Quaid. She’ll blame herself and her selfishness that lead you to such behavior and she’ll appreciate every second she has with you. That’ll learn her.”  It will work.

Eating Solid Food: How awesome would it be if you liquefied all your meals and drank them with a straw. A really long straw at that. Added bonus: this cuts 12-16 minutes off each meal, giving you an additional 36-48 minutes a day to do more important things like play spider solitaire, or sleep at your desk.

Basic Math: This one’s pretty self explanatory. Next time you’re out to dinner and someone says “hey, the bill is $43.69, how much should we leave for tip?” say something outlandish like $10,000. This also ties into the ‘giving sound advice’ category.

Traditional Medicine: Next time you’re feeling a bit under the weather, go to the doctor as usual. However when he’s writing out the prescription for antibiotics, stop him right there and tell him you want to be bled. Just ask him to throw a few leeches on your face and chest and let nature’s doctor do it’s work. If it was good enough for George Washington, it’s good enough for me and you. Other things that worked for GW that you can try: powdered wigs, wooden teeth, fighting revolutions.

Dribbling: This one comes courtesy of longtime friend of the blog, and ex NBA legend Dan Majerle. Dan wanted us to know that one Lent he gave up dribbling and there was no referee in the league that dared call him on it because he was doing it in Jesus’ name.

In the end, whatever you give up for lent, make sure you do it whole-heartedly. As for me, I think I’m going to give up giving up things.